I started talking to Chris again first. We're staying friends. It's admittedly painful because I love him, but I guess I'd rather stay friends than not have him in my life at all.
I started talking to Mo again second. She apologized and such, and I decided to try to stay friends with her too. Sunday we went to a music festival in Venice together, and it was so nice to hang like old times, like til she showed up I was still really bitter and hurt, but man as soon as we were together again I instantly felt so shitty for being so angry with her, and I'm really glad we're putting this behind us now.
And that chapter is now closed.
Moving on with our lives.

I'm only posting a quickie here.
Sarra is my date for Elements. Which I dislike, because I didn't wanna have a date for my rave. But I needed a ride so badly.
I started promoting for Motive Events. As long as I post bulletins about the events online, and leave them a couple hours early to pass out flyers, I get guest listed in for free. I'm excited =)

Some friends confuse the hell out of me.

Prom was last night. It was ok. I prolly would've had a lot more fun if I hadn't been so depressed. I'm such a fool.
I'll post prom pics on private though when I get them.

Today I got my state ID card, and all my membership info for Amnesty International in the mail today. =)
When I get a job, I wanna sign up to make the monthly contributions. I can't do that yet though because i don't have any steady income.
But I'm going to 2 job fairs next week. =)
I typed a rough draft of my resumé. =)
I included all my volunteer experience, and the fact that I am bilingual and can type 60wpm, so I don't look that bad, i don't think....Idk. It's pretty bare still though.

I finally watched Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas today! It was really really good.
I think I would be able to finish the book now.
I stopped reading it halfway through, about a year ago, because I was still having trouble staying sober and reading it gave me mad cravings.
but, in case I forgot to update this earlier, I stopped going to CR. I don't feel like I need it anymore. =)
I really don't.
I feel in control again.
And I'm ready to start enjoying substances again, but in small portions and not often. Just to have fun.
I think it was really good that I stopped for a while and got a little perspective, but i feel fine now, and it is good =)

Today,
I went to the LA County Museum of Art (LACMA - makes em think of milk!) with 2 friends. The day was epic. Later when I have all the pics, I will post them (on private though). I saw "The Treachery Of Images" by Rene Magritte!!! It brought tears to my eyes.
The museum was epic.
Then we went to the Brea Tar Pits since they were right there.
"OMG is the elephant moving?"
"It's rotating on its axis"
"It's drifting away!"
We did take some epic pictures.
And we walked through Farmer's Market, and ate at Canter's Delicatessen.
Went to Victoria's Secret and Barnes&Noble. I got a bunch of perfume.
Today was a good day. =)

So how do you get from Apple Valley to Garden Grove via public transit?
You fucking DON'T.
WTF. Victor Valley Transit is set up even dumber than Long Beach, omg. If I could find someway to get someone from Phelan to the San Bernardino Meotrlink Station, it might be feasible....
I vote that Omnitrans needs to buy out VVTA, so all of San Bernardino County can be connected like Orange County is. This is bullshit. Gah.

So I was super happy after talking to Christopher last night. Then later at like a quarter after midnight, 43 texts me. He says he's right by my house, and we should hang out. So I said ok, thinking we'll just hang out as friends, because we've been friendlier lately. And I thought he knew I am not single anymore. And even if he doesn't know that, he does have a girlfriend...not like that's stopped him before though I guess. =( Anyway. So it didn't occur to me right away why exactly he wanted to hang out. So he asked where we should hang out, and I said it depends on what he wants to do. And he said that depends on where we are... and that is when my brain finally clicked on and I realized all he wanted was a booty call. So I told him it's not gonna be like the last few times we hung out. And he said we don't need to go that far. I said we don't need to do anything of that sort. His response "we'll see. can i text u when i'm close again?" and I said sure, but that doesn't change anything. About an hour later I went to bed. And I felt icky. But when I woke up this morning, he hadn't ever texted or called back. I still felt icky though, but i did get to talk to Chris this morning before my friend came over to work on our econ project, so I guess I'm in a good mood again now. But really....I still feel like crap from talking to 43.

Why is it ok for him to completely blow me off for a couple months, and then act like we're friends again just because he wants sex, and cheat on his girlfriends, and assume that I would be so low as to cheat on my boyfriend?

Tomorrow is going to be awkward. =(

I went to check up on 2 of my job apps yesterday - the ones I submitted to Fresh&Easy and Marshalls.
Fresh&Easy is done hiring at the one by me.
The manager at Marshalls, after I told her I turned in an application a couple weeks ago, and wanted to make sure the hiring manager had received it and see if the position was still open, she made me wait half an hour for him.
So after a half hour, then she called someone for him and said he'd be back in an hour. So I sat outside and read a book for another hour, came back inside just so the hiring manager could tell me himself that they've had a hiring freeze and aren't taking anyone new.
FML.
Little things this month are adding up, and I am over it.

I don't get to see Christopher this weekend either. And his phone is still broken.
A third week is too long >.>
I am so done with this month.

Today was my interview with Vector Marketing Corporation.

I left at 4pm, and got there at 5:30, because even though it is only 9 miles from my house, I had to bus-hop, and Long Beach Transit is stupid.

So I filled uot the paper and went in for the first interview, aced it.

I was told it would be an entry-level sales job, that I would not be paid on commission, and there would be no door-to-door.

So I thought YAY! I can actually work in one spot and not have to go all over the county to make some shit commission, and I'll get paid in actual wages, yes.

I figured it would be like telemarketing, which I'd be fine with.

So I had to stay for the 2nd hour and a half interview.

Which I also aced.

But then was told that the actual job would be selling knives. What they failed to mention, is that Vector Marketing is owned by CutCo Cutlery.

And this job, is going to people's houses to demonstrate how awesome these knives are.

No door to door, no, instead I'm expected to wait for people to make an appt based on word of mouth recommendations.

And I'd get paid per appointment if I don't sell anything, but if I sell a certain amouint, I still get paid commission. It was a very convoluted pay system.

So. I aced the 3rd interview.

I got the stupid fucking job.

I was la creme de la crap.

So. First I have to attend 3 days worth of 6 hour training that is only held in the early afternoon.

So I said I'd call back and schedule training in April when I'm on spring break.

So then my night gets better.

They kept me there so long that most of the buses had stopped running.

So I got to walk a couple miles through Long Beach.

Then while sitting at the bus stop for 45 minutes, I got to listen to some creepy dude tell me how beautiful I was and that I should get in his car and let him give me a ride.

Which I found just a little scary at 10pm when I'm by myself.

Then later I got to walk another couple miles through Westminster and GG til I finally got home at 11.

Shitty.

I can't believe I wasted my day on this.

On a side note, if ever you need something amazing to listen to, Sage Francis. Agony In Her Body is an amazing song. So is Inherited Scars.

Chris couldn't come down this weekend. But next weekend I found out I can Metrolink to San Bernardino for only $5 and Mo can drive there and pick me up. I'd need a ride home because the only Metrolink that leaves San Bernardino to come back here leaves at around 8am.

Today I read this is my TruthBox on Myspace:
"I think you should learn real quick to ABOVE ALL ELSE GAURD YOUR HEART.your in quite a perdicameant and running quit blindly into the arms of a castanova.TRUST ME."

I have no idea who left it and I gotta admit, it's a little bothersome that someone who has this to say wouldn't just message me. =/

Anyways.
I'm cold.
And my tummy hurts.

Tomorrow I have a job interview with Vector Marketing. I have to spend 1 1/2 to 2 hours bus-hopping to a place that is only 9 miles from my house, because it's too far to walk in time, and it's across the county line so I have to switch bus systems halfway through. Long Beach Transit is kinda a pain in the ass compared to OCTA.
But anyway.
I don't know if I have anything "professional" to wear =/

Went to Morongo. Cheryl gave me $300 for gambling. We had a good time. The slots were brutal to me but apparently I am not half bad at blackjack. At one point I had several hundred. But I couldn't stop betting and had a losing streak. But in the end, I left with $511. So tomorrow I'm a-going shopping for some clothes, prolly something for GOE since I don't really have bright colors =P And then I'mma get some of the books I need for my classes. And then I'mma apply for another job. And then I'mma deposit the rest of my money into savings. And it will be fantabulous. Things started off so shitty this week. Then they got fairly better. Then last night and this morning were hella shitty again. And then this afternoon and evening were fanfuckingtastic. I am elated. And one more week til Garden Of Eden!!!!! I am fucking ecstatic =P

Last night Cheryl told me to pack my things and be gone by next Tuesday.

I just went through and edited a whole bunch of my posts, just got rid of names and such. The one I have been obsessing over lately, his name has been changed to 43. It is a random number, and it is his new name.

Ever feel like watching porn, not because you're horny or anything, but just because you're really bored and you know it will at least be more interesting than anything on TV?

I need to get out of the house. =[

I had a 3day weekend and never left the house.
Thursday was a short day for me and my amiga came over, ut Friday I did nothing because all my friends ere at formal. I didn't go because I'm broke and single, and thought it would be kinda awkward, but I kinda wish I had decided to go =/
Both today and yesterday I was sposed to hang with G--- but she's kinda overslept both days.
So.
I feel like such a loser with no life. =[

And I talked to 99 again yesterday, he's back with his ex. I actually am, no bullshit, way more happy for him, as a friend, than I am bummed at losing the benefits in our friendship =P
Haven't talked to 43 at all this weekend either. I didn't bother texting him last night. I think it's over.

I feel really lonely right now though. =(


P.S. And although no, i will not go to the effort of majorly editing all my entries, I will take this time to apologize for all the horrid explicit details of my sex life, and internal tumult, that I post here.

Ver gave us the bloodwork results for Timber. It's not Cushing's. It's auto-immune hemolytic anemia. Her immune system is destroying her red blood cells, and the lysed cells are pooling in hr abdominal cavity. We can't drain the cavity because her RBC count is so low (it's 1.2% including the useless cells in her abdomen, it should be at 5-8%) it will send her into hypovolemic shock, and the cavity will just fill right back up again. We could give her a blood transfusion every 2 weeks. That's impractical, and it's not something we can afford, and she's a big dog so she'd need more than just 1 transfusion every 2 weeks, plus he'd spend more than half her life in the hospital. What a poor quality of life, especially for her. She hates to be confined. So right now, since she's still looking happy with us and responsive, despite how sluggish and recumbent she's become (SO unlike her), we're gonna keep her on steroids to try to stimulate splenic contraction so we can get the most of her life out of her. Eventually though, if we don't put her down, she will suffocate, because there are not enough red blood cells to carry oxygen throughout her body. Mom says actually she'll prolly die of a heart attack before that point, because her heart will be pumping do furiously trying to circulate oxygen that isn't there, with such a low blood pressure.
I'm not liking this. =(

Let's move on.
I started showing signs of another UTI today (yay for the side effects of sex. [/sarcasm]) so now I'm on my 2nd quart of cranberry juice (walked 2 miles to get 4 quarts of it), hoping to nip this in the bud so I don't have to go on antibiotics again. I hope it was a UTI anyway, and not some horrible 43-STD. I'll find out tomorrow though when I go to my appointment at PP. I am very nervous.

Anyway. Anyone else watch the inauguration today? I got to skip Stats today because my teacher put the inauguration on the TV instead. It was intense. Except for the part about "let the yellow be mellow, let the red man get ahead man" - I cannot remember who it was who said that, but it was some nice comic relief lol.

Well Wednesday my amiga drove me to PP to get on the pill. They close at 7 on Wednesdays and we got there at 4, but they said they were full for walk-ins that day. So instead I made an appointment for Wednesday January 21st at 5:30pm, to get on the pill and get an STD screening. But I forgot to ask for the PlanB pill =( I really don't think I need it, but I admit I was really scared for like the whole week after my night with 43. Like I was super duper exhausted and super duper starving all freaking week, it really freaked me out. But I think instead I must have been fighting off an illness, since everyone else around me is sick, and I feel kinda better now. I've put on 5 pounds since Xmas. Anyway. A lot of the time my reproductive organs are not even healthy enough for me to get my period, so I seriously doubt they'd be healthy enough to incubate any little kiddies =P After we left PP we dished at Starbucks for a few hours, and then walked across the parking lot to the Rite-Aid and I bought Trojans with the spermicidal lubricant. Darren suggested getting spermicide actually, but they didn't have any. I think I'll avoid it next time though, because I was reading online about nonoxynol-9, and how the chemical that immobilizes the sperm cells can irritate the epithelial cells of the vaginal wall (or any orifice), and with prolonged use cause tiny abrasions and increase the likelihood of an STD. Scary. My skin's sensitive enough as it is. I don't need to be using chemicals that are proven to cause damage to normal epithelia =P The next day my amiga brought me a little mini Safe Sex Sampler kit that Wet® was handing out for free at TAO. It had a condom, and a sample packet of Wet® kiwi-strawberry flavored lube, a sample packet of Wet® regular lube, and a coupon for $1 off any other Wet® product =P So yays. I've got a condom now stashed in each purse, so no matter how ditzy I am, I will always have one with me jic.

Saturday I was gonna hang out with friends but cancelled because my dog got really sick. Her appetite had been dwindling for the past couple weeks, but I'd just been forcing her to eat, well Friday night I wasn't able to force her to eat anymore at all. We noticed she'd been slowing down lately, but she's old and arthritic, and on Saturday when she came in to the garage for me to feed her she was especially slow, but I thought nothing of it because she'd only eaten half her food the day before - which included her arthritis medicine - so I figured she was just really tired and hungry and sore. But she stopped eating altogether, and then collapsed on the garage floor over her food bowl. So I got mom to help me bring her inside and lay her on a blanket, and mom checked her out, and determined initially that it was prolly heart failure, because she was so pale, and out of breath, and couldn't even hold herself up anymore. But then as we were lying with her mom noticed her abdomen was slightly distended, so she was feeling around, and Cheyenne had a massive tumor in her abdomen. I mean massive. And since it was nestled up in there just caudal to her ribcage, no one had seen it. It was somewhere bigger than a baseball but smaller than a volleyball. BIG. So we decided she might not make it throught the weekend, and i cancelled everything so I could stay with her through the weekend, but later that night when she started a steady nosebleed I decided to take her to the vet. Mom couldve euthanized her in the comfort of our home, she's got blue juice just for that, but I really wanted an extra opinion from a vet, to see if maybe there was something we could do, ya know? Because mom knows her shit, but even she admits there's only so much she can diagnose in the living room without any instruments or tests. So we took her in to the emergency clinic where mom's Joel works. The vet said basicly everything mom had said, and that the tumor was in her liver, and had metastecized to her lungs - which is why she was so out of breath and her breathing was kinda crackly. So. The only option was to put her on steroids, which would prolong her life for a few days at the most, a few days in which she would still be unable to stand up on her own, and she couldn't take any pain killers, and she'd eventually die from the fluid build-up in her lungs. I thought that would be a pretty cruel way to let her go, so I said put her down. =( She was 12. Her life expectancy was 11-12, so it wasn't a big surprise. For some reason I'm not taking it as rough as everyone else is, even though I was closer to her than anyone =/

I have a lot of homework to do this week - I MUST be caught up in engrish by Monday!!!!!!!! That means I have this week and weekend to finish reading Light In August, write on it, and get halfway through The Mayor Of Casterbridge (which I am not really looking forward to...it sounds not so good, but someone told me it's good...=/ I don't like books being compulsory. I mean, I like Faulkner, and I still haven't been able to get really into it. It just kinda sucks the joy out of the novel =( I had the same problem for a lot of Wuthering Heights too, and I freaking adored that book!)



Say hello
to everything you left behind -
it's even more a part of your life
now that you can't touch it.
I'm taking her home with me,
all dressed in white,
she's got everthing I need:
some pills in a little cup.
She's falling hard for me,
I can see it in her eyes.
She acts just like a nurse
with all the other guys
She's got everything I need:
pharmacy keys.

I totally was filling out one of those lame myspace surveys for here, but then got tired of it and scrapped it.

HAPPY SPANKSGIVING THANKSGIVING! =)


Today I got to see Tim's side of the fam and I got to chill with my awesome twin cousins Michael and Matt =) I just found out that Michael is majoring in computer science at Saddleback Community College and Matt is undeclared but going to UCI (they're in their freshman year because they're only like 6 months older than me). I love them. They're such fun =)

Tomorrow is Black Friday. If I had money I'd be hitting up the stores.

I'm excited. You don't know why. =)
Yays.

Karen and Jon are officially moved out today. Their beds are moved as is all their big furniture in the house, just some random crap and boxes lying around and all their stuff in the garage is left. We have no idea where they are staying now.
Tomorrow after I get out of Saturday school I get to see my Morgan! =D
Then Sunday I'm helping my manager work a table in front of Wal*Mart. Hopefully I'l get at least another customer or member of my downline.

Oh man.

Pollworking sucked yesterday.

Actually, this whole week starting with Saturday has sucked majorly.

Things at home are shitty.

Karen has turned into a complete fucking monster.

Now she claims she needs legal protection from Tim "attacking" her - even though he has not spoken to her nor seen her since Saturday.

Can't even talk to her she's being such a cunt.

I will post more about how the pollworking went, but later.
Yesterday was just so shitty.

I finally got my official sign today!!!!!

I called The Center, which is this gay/lesbian center where they offer like groups and counseling and HIV tests, and they just got signs in today. So I bused over there, on GG Blvd between Harbor and Haster, got 2 signs, one for me and one for my neighbor, picked up a copy of LesbianNews for my mom, talked to the guy behind the counter who I must say was one of the very nicest people I think i've ever met.

Then there was a construction zone right in front of my bus stop so all the cars had to drive by really slowly or stop altogether, so everyone got a good look at my sign and I got to tell a few people about prop8 and what it would do.

Then I delivered one of the signs to my neighbor Sylvia and we put it in her front yard, & then I came home with my sign and showed my grama and mom.
So my grama asked if this meant she could put a McCain/Palin sign in the front yard too and i said no because i refrained from putting an Obama sign there back in June because i knew the rest of the house wouldn't agree with it...
and she just cocked an eyebrow and continued staring at my sign.
So loudly enough for lesbian mama to hear I asked if she really supported a constitutional ban on gay marriage...
and she said no, she just doesnt want the sign in our yard, because she says people walking down the street, even parents with their little baby strollers, are looking at my duct tape NO sign ominously.
So I said tough shit and put my new sign in my front yard, and moved my old one to the grass at the end of my driveway so people driving by in cars can see too.

The guy at The Center said there's a "demonstration" (just like people standing around holding signs in protest of prop8) on Chapman/Harbor Saturday from 11am-1pm, but I can't go because I'll be taking some SAT IIs.
I can't get over how incredibly friendly he was =P

SO.
If anyone would like to go, or would be interested in going to another one on a different day, please let me know because i have the info all printed out for me and would love to share.


OK that was way more lengthy than I had anticipated. =)

...makes me sad.



I miss my house.



I miss my little desert town.



I miss being able to see the mountains all around.



I miss the lack of sidewalks.



I miss being able to see the stars.



I miss the empty field by the library and police station, where the SuperTarget is now.



I really miss that day me and Leticia were behind that wall between the library and popo station with the soda can. That ranks one of the greatest days of my life. =P



I miss my back yard.



I miss the fence me & Tim built.



I miss the hump in the front yard.



I miss sleeping on the floor in front of the hearth.



I miss Adam. I wish I could still talk to him. I miss just having him lie next to me in bed after he finished, even though he could never stay more than a few minutes.
I miss the smell of his cologne.
I could go over every little detail that I miss but I'm already feeding the turtle so why fuel that further?



I miss watching my ceiling move.



I miss the little pink plate full of happiness in the drawer by my bed.



I miss the mango.


I really miss being too spun out to have any idea what was going on around me.



My mom and I were going through old pics of the house, and the yards, and that pumpkin patch on Bear Valley Rd.

It was nostalgic.

I really don't want to be here right now.

so i was coming home from school today and noticed that another goddamn yes on 8 sign was up at the corner of Lampson/Lamplighter, right where I took the last one down,

and I was gonna take this one too but finally decided that it might be a suppression of free speech and if these bigots want to post their yes on 8 signs they can feel free,

i'll just make another NO sign and stick it up in front of theirs.


So I changed my shoes and walked to the library to return a couple late books, and when I came home I noticed that the sign was gone - and so were ALL the yes on 8 signs on my street and the streets coming off of my street, and I saw one of them, detached from it's metal frame, caught on the bottom of a telephone pole and about to blow away.


So. I don't condone taking stuff out of people's front yards.....but damn that sure put a big smile on my face.


And it wasn't just some sign vandal either, because al the Linh Ho and Steve Dalton and Switch To Mitch, and of course my solitary NO sign were all left untouched.


All in all, I'd say this has been a pretty good afternoon thus far.

I lack motivation, to do anything.
I'm so exhausted, my head is killing me.
I've got 2 books to read and write papers on by Friday for Engrish, a giant late stats project, and busy work for 3 other classes.
And I don't feel like moving.
In fact, as winter approaches once more,
I feel like giving up entirely.
I'm sick of this.
I need some adderall.

I finally got to sleep last night, without waking up every half hour either. it was so great. til about 1:30 in the afternoon when my mom came in to wake me up and my grama was yelling that i must be on drugs because that's the only possible way anyone could sleep that late.

Never mind the fact that for a week i've only been able to get 2 hours of broken sleep a night, if that, or the fact that i've had this blinding headache for a few weeks now.

nope. i must be on drugs.

i wish i was.

then my mom starts screaming at me for failing english, my progress report came in the mail today.

she's pretty pissed about that.

she thinks i'm gonna fail and then not graduate.

i've been thinking about dropping out and moving away.

but then my mom needed me to help her and sanchita get ready to go so i guess that got put aside for now.

so then i did their hair and laced their corsets and helped with their garters and makeup and teeth and it was a very arduous ordeal.

it's kinda funny how she acts all cool with me and like we're so close and all now, when just in june she said she wanted me out and that she wouldnt give a shit if i disappeared.

then i made some coffee.

then i wrapped a present for lil bro's friend and took him to her birfday party at 5.

now i'm sposed to be sacrificing any social life i could've had on this saturday(?) night to work on not failing engrish.

i'm very tired and my head is killing me.

at least the day got better. my uncle was demo-ing the walls and so i got to go in there with a sledgehammer and just beat the shit outta the walls. it was quite therapeutic.

then my grama came home and i showed her these pics of my mom and sanchita that i took before they left today, and she just about shit herself. it totally made my day life.






they went to the spiketv scream awards as seat-fillers, like for when the celebrities get upi to leave or go to the bathroom, they don't want empty seats when the camera pans over the audience. one of the requirements though was that all the seat-fillers had to be dressed all crazy-like, specifically "goth" or "punk" or "in costume" etc.

then i went with karen (grama) and jon (uncle) out to dinner and i got some yummy veggie fajitas because we brought a coupon.

then jon drove me home so i could go pick up lil bro, and his friend's dad told me about how they looked through his spensive telescope and got to see jupiter and could even see its ring and like 3 or 4 of its moons, it was so cool. i really like them, they're nice neighbors. =)

then my mom just called and said that she and sanchita did get to fill some seats and might've made it on tv, and they got pulled aside for a special photo shoot with gerard way from my chemical romance and they got to meet him and talk to him, which was pretty cool.

i am so over caffeinated tongiht omg.

can't stop shaking.

=) got it in the mail today.

I also finally downloaded limewire to my computer. It is such amazingness omg.

I think maybe the reason I'm suddenly thinking about Adam way much more is because it's been very cold here lately. The winter reminds me of him, because we were together in the winter, and it was very cold that winter, at least I remember it being very cold, probably because I was wearing tank tops every day =P
Anyway.
Winter. Adam.

And I know I should just stop and think about something else for a change, but when I get like this...I wish I was dead. I don't see any point. I'm not ever going to get over this.

4 years on December 11.

I finally got my drivers permit today at the DMV. Practiced driving around the parking lot at my mom's work because it was empty tonight, so my first coupke hours out driving were at night, so that's not too bothersome actually. It was interesting. Then I drove home.
There's more important things to tell bt I don't feel like typing about them right now.

So today I went to Celebrate Recovery with Mrs. R. It was Scary as hell! But not so bad. I'mma respect the rule of don't talk about anybody else or thier stuff outside the room, so no dishing. =) Anyway, we're gonna go every Monday from 7-9pm, and because my mom isn't home til at least 10:30 on Mondays, I don't have to make up an excuse to leave because I just tell my grama I'm leaving and I split. So all is well for now, i really hope this works out.
And mis amigos have been so awesome too. ♥

Woot just deleted a bunch of old entries. I have a lot of English homework I need to be diong right now.l I got to see my cousin Julia again today and meet her fiancee Cliff and their new baby CJ! =) I just can't believe she's a mommy already, but what really trips me up is hearing her call my Uncle Alex "Grandpa" now, I mean he's only 38, he just seems so young to be a grandpa.
Julia's still young though too, she's only 20, doesn't seem very young to have a first baby though, I guess because all the women on my mom;s side popped out their first kid at 20.
Time sure does fly.

I felt like typing tonight.
I really have a crapload of summer homework still.
Today was the first day of school.
I have Like A Virgin stuck in my head. And Reservoir Dogs is one of my fav movies, so of course every time I hear it I think of the opening scene where Mr. Brown (played by Tarantino himself) is explaining how Like A Virgin is all about a girl who loves a big dick. "All day all night dick dick dick dick dick dick dick.....Her pussy should be like bubble yum." ROFL.
I'm thinking about going through and deleting a bunch o old emolicious posts where I was talking way too much about Adam and Richie. Although I was trying to preserve that so I could go back later & kinda see if I've come far or what not...but damn I embarrass myself.
Like a virgin,
touched for the very first tiiime,
like a viiiiiiirgin....
hahaha I love that song.

I find the whole notion of fertility medications nauseating. FYI. My mom & I watched a few specials on DHealth and TLC about women who go on fertility medictaion to get pregnant, and it is just so disgusting. I understand wanting your own child, wanting it to be yours, and come from your own womb, that is a beautiful thing, but if your body cannot produce that on its own, why must women spen thousands of dollars on these mediactions and fertilization procedures, artificial insemenations, instead of just adopting? The world is overpopulated, you don't need to be popping out 6 or 8 kids at a time because your eggs weren't up to par, and for all the thousands they spend on this fertilization, think how much they could have spent on something so much better, or even spent it on improving the life of a child they could have chosen to adopt. It's just so awful to watch, knowing that there are so many unwanted or just uncared for children in the world, and these people cannot choose to help assuage that problem, no they have to make more.

Just got home from hanging with a couple amazing friends. In a really good mood now. =)

Ah so much to tell after 3 weeks away....
Let's begin with Crazy Anthony. And boy is he crazy.
Like after that one horrible date he starts acting like we're attached or something, but I really didn't wanna be bitchy.
( convo behind cut )
Die. Please.

OK now tht crazy Anthony is out of the way, I can tell about my other recent exploits.

Later. I am suddenly tired...I have to get up in 5 hours..but I'll be gone for another week. Dilemmas...I'll post about my hookup and domestic disturbance experience later then. I really am tired, i only slept 3 hours last night, so I think I'll do some laundry and finish packing and take a power nap.

Anthony: U still up . Well i just wanted to tell u that am going to miss yr smile girl . Am Jeolus that yr leaving . Xo xo
Me: I'll only be gone a month.
Anthony: Thats to long . Well before u leave take in mind that i like u the First time i lay my eyes on u . A lot
Me: That's sweet. =)
Anthony: well before u leave i want to show u the stars at the beach and dinner .
Me: I'm really busy these next few days, I don't think I have any time.
Anthony: Well am leaving with u .Lol . Well i want to see u for the last long month . Just try . Any time is fine
Me: idk, maybe. If I can find some free time I'll let you know.
Anthony: Good . Well all let u go but never for ever . hugs and kisses :$

---

I hate how he was so sweet the other night, makes it so difficult to avoid him. =(
I also hate how he says "all" instead of "I'll." I'm kinda a grammar/spelling Nazi most of the time, at least with most things.
Mostly though I hate how he is so saccharine.

Games that have been consuming my time lately:

Amateur Surgeon

Viva Caligula

Pretty crappy date last night. He started off really sweet and kinda...ick I hate this word, but gentleman-like. Then he suddenly randomly turned into a superhorny sex-obsessed animal.
FYI: trying to dry-hump my leg at a drive-thru does not gain you any points. That's kinda messed up.
He also spent more time texting or staring down my shrt than paying attention to the road in front of him, so the driving was pretty terrifying. Not as bad as Dusty but still pretty damn terrifying.
And I actually feel guilty for sneaking out. What the hell.


P.S. 10 hours later: He is texting me. I'mma ignore him. Not because of the leg-humping thing, that was really weird but I guess that's just his thing...but for the fact that I had to tell him at least 3 times that my clothes stay ON, and every time I told him to get off of me, it took him a few minutes of trying to say "it's ok it's ok" before he finally climbed off - and that reminds me of other incidents a little too much.
SO. No Anthony.

Oh yeah, there was some weird guy on the bus today. Like the bus was full, but this guy got out of his seat to stand RIGHT in front of me, like just a couple inches from me, with his hand rested on the back of the seat next to me, and he stood there almost the entire ride staring down my shirt, blatantly. He wasn't even discreet about it. And then he started tapping on his inner thigh with his gatorade bottle while staring down my shirt, it was VERY uncomfortable! Then like a block before my stop, he randomly goes back to his seat and falls asleep. wtf.

Today I didn't have time to go make an early delivery, had to borrow money from my mom because I'm a day behind. Then I had to last-minute move everything from the big room so the drywall guys could come, i didn't know there were coming today, why the fuck does everyone wait til an hour before they arrive?? WHAT THE FUCK????
Then I tried making iced coffee because I was hot and thirsty and still tired off 3 hours of sleep, but the ice crusher was having problems, I couldn't get any crushed ice. So after 10 minutes pf fucking with it and trying to dislodge all the little pieces of ice, I finally gave up and used cubes instead, only to realize all we have is powder coffee creamer, which only dissolves in hot coffee. So I had some water instead because i was ready to break something. Then my mom texts me that she needs me to run out and pick up feeder mice for the snakes before 12, so I go out and the motherfucking bus is late, which is just great because it didn't come til 10:38 and I had a customer coming at 11, that was not enough time to go there, buy mice, go to my mom's classroom, and go back home. Then the reptile place didn't even OPEN until 11. I did manage to get a hold of my customer and tell her to show up at 11:30 instead, great load of help that was though with the late fucking buses. My mom called my grama and had her come pick me up thugh on my way back from the reptile place. Then, in my room as I went to get glue to fix my brand new fucking $17 sandals that I stepped on and broke the little details on, I slipped on my rug and face-plantes straight into the glass door of my stereo cabinet, and there was blood everywhere and the fucking door came clean off the hinges. My lip itself is cut and fat, and on the inside of my mouth is cut up where my lip attaches to my gums, again between my teeth, and again just above one of my front incisors. Blood everywhere. So I got up, checked to make sure my teeth weren't broken and continued to fix my shoe and then stuck a ziploc of ice cubes on my face. My grama is freaking out and thinks I need stitches, but it's fine. Since only one side is all fat, I kinda have a permanent expression just like Elvis. I am The King!! The melting ice washed off a lot of the blood in this pic so you can tell it is not so bad. The skin around my mouth is all stained/tinted from it though, as is my cleavage where the bloody ice was dripping.

I love Salvador Dali.

I love him almost as much as I love Vincent Van Gogh.


Geopoliticus Child Watching The Birth Of A New Man



Soft Watch At The Moment Of First Explosion



The Metamorphosis Of Narcissus



The Persistence Of Memory


I also love Pablo Picasso, I adore Guernica. He painted it depicting Francisco Franco's bombing of the small town of Guernica, Spain in 1937 during the Spanish civil war (when Franco gained control as fascist dictator of Spain and was allied with Hitler, I think Mussolini too but I'm not sure).


Guernica



The Old Guitarist



Three Musicians


Have some Georges Braque too.

Violin


And I cannot forget my first art love of course. Sorry I can't make as huge a tribute as Don McClean.

Starry Night


I have a framed print of this one in my room, but I haven't been able to hang it since I moved. =(

Irises

I have been feeling very artsy lately, can you tell? lol. Tonight I looked throught the tall skinny window in ymliving room and saw the moon and one star above the corner of the roof jutting into view, and it was so beautiful I had to capture it...but my stupid camera couldn't get it perfectly. Neither could my phone, so I decided to do it myself. But my hands are stupid too and could only produce smudgy crap on the paper. I wish I could paint. The best thing I ever created was this damn tree. Everything else just looks like crap. =( And both my parents used to be great painters too. Damn them for not giving me the art genes!



Anyway, today Lil Bro helped me go door-to-door, he's been such a big help lately, although his clinginess is kinda getting on my nerves...I'mma try not to look a gift horse in the mouth though. He's not being pissy to me and he's actually being nice. So anyway, he helped me carry samples and catalogues up and down the street, then I took the bus over to a liquor store on Nutwood/Katella to meet a woman to give her some catalogues, she says she saw my card on th bus, and at the bus stop I exchanged numbers with a guy named Anthony, he was pretty nice. =) Then while waiting for my 2nd bus home I met a 2nd guy, named Matt, and we walked hom together b/c he lives right off of my street. I don't have his number but he asked for mine, so yay I don't have to take any initiative. And my ego has been sufficiently stroked for the day. =D So I DON'T CARE if 99 is ignoring me with certain subjects. I don't need him now anyway, we can go back to being just friends and pretend nothing happened.

Life has been good to me today. =) Thank you life. You are forgiven for the past month.

I broke even with my personal debts today. With my recycling money, I paid off the last $6 of it and now have $1.12 to my name.

Also, I meant to go get my free slurpee at 7-11 yesterday, but a strange man was following me, like across and down the street, into the 7-11, he was like a freaking shadow! So instead of free slurpee, I had to seize my opportunity when he wasn't looking to duck out of the 7-11 and hop on the bus that so conveniently was pulling up. Damn I feel kinda sorry for the dude though. =(
-sigh- 99 has not replied to my texts for 2 days now. I feel so lonely. I need another stress-relief session. Such a good stress relief! Honestly, what more could I ask for? Relieves stress, makes me not-so-lonely, makes me feel not worthless, keeps him happy, and I get to escape the house for a while. I wish he'd answer his phone. this souds so stalkerish of me but 2 days is way too long to wait! -sigh again-

Oh hey hey hey!!!!! I got 4s on both my AP bio and AP US History tests!!!
And my SAT scores: reading 700, writing 680, math 650.
This time I actually am happy, even if my mom is mad about it.

Omg omg omg I had the weirdest dream last night! I dreamt that I was someplace...it's not familiar, but in my dream it was my house, and in my dream I was with my cousin, except this man was totally unfamiliar, like I don't recognize him AT ALL. But anyway, in my dream he was sposed to be my cousin. And in my dream we like went off together and were like lying in bed upstairs talking and he was just like "Wanna have sex?" and I was like "umm...you're my cousin. We're not in Arkansas." (yes apparently even in my dreams I am capable of mean hillbilly jokes =P ) and then he just said it was alright so we did, and that was WEIRD! Why even in my dreams would I do something like that with someone who was supposed to be my cousin?? OMG! So then we like drove around down the freeway some places and I totally lost control of the car and it was that feeling ike I knew I had no control of the vehicle but was trying to hold on to the wheel as best I could and kinda steer it as much as I could, and kinda go with the flow and hope for the best.
Well that second part I can kinda see as being symbolic, but cousin-fucking? WTF?
Something is wrong with my head!

[Edit 8/27/08: rofl maybe it was a premonition. ya know, of hooking up with Zoë's cousin though, not my own.]

Well it's official - I am a whore.

I like kitties. I like funnies. These make me happy.

Synopsis:
My grama & uncle moved in. They are completely incompetent and dysfunctional and have gotten nothing done, I might have to kill one of them. OMG.
I fell downt heir stairs carrying a super heavy box and sprained my ankle. Helped pack and move stuff from house to house until 11pm tonight, my ankle now is throbbing even though I'm resting it now and I've already iced it. =(
Got my report card:
AP Bio_________A-
English 3H_____B+
Psychology_____A
Spanish 3______B
AP US History__B
Pre-calculus H_B-
Yays.
And I got a 2030 on my SAT. Yay.
I don't think I really care though. I have to try to stick around here til New Years and I don't htink I'm gonna make it. I realized today that I could save a lot of money by waiting til I turn 18 so I can take the car and then just live in it. But maybe I'll just take the car before I get my license at 18, just park it somewhere an live in it, not drive it. Gas is too expensive anyway.
I am so exhausted. OMG.
My grama is on a bunch of Soma for her back. I am so jealous. She's loopy. I am so jealous. I want Soma. I like Soma.
If I had the money I'd get me some codeine right now, I just want something to slow me down and numb me up, I want some codeine and darvocet and Soma like I used to. =(
...that is all.

I think I have lost my gag reflex. I cannot get it to work.
But I'm going to go try again.
And if it still doesn't work, someone, please, tell me how to remedy this. I need it back. =(

Very quick little FYI:
I am selling Avon. It's going amazingly great.
I went to the dentist. Got a cavity removed. If it still hurts in a week I get a root canal, if not then a regular filling. They gave me 6 shots of septocaine that are beginning to wear off, so I might desperately need the prescription they gave me for Tylenol-3 (the third Tylenol formula, the one with codeine in it)(in my head I can hear angels sing when that glorious word is mentioned - codeine! Even though it gives a heavy lump in my chest feeling) The intern was adorable and I soo loved talking to him. I hope they hire him so he'll be there next week too.
Now have some posters.



PS I am trying ot eat a potato because Leticia made me crave them so bad....but I cannot move my jaw enough to chew. =( It is quite painful.

Urgh. Well I fouund out Aiko lives right down the street from Richie! =O Small world we live in.

Did you know how much the Brazilian wax has shaped American culture? I read about it in Cosmo (page 233 of the May 2008 issue) and thought it interesting enough to share:

- "At least twice as many of my patients remove their pubic hair now compared to five years ago, and about 75% of the women I treat in their 20s go bare." - Margaret Thompson, ob-gyn in Austin Texas

- According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, nearly 1.5 million laser hair removal procedures were performed in 2006, a 60% increase since 2003. "Ninety percent of our laser-hair removal clients opt to zap their V-zone. It's the most popular area for permanent hair removal" - Cindy Barshop of Completely Bare, a salon that specializes in laser hair removal.

- Genital warts and herpes sores are more noticeable against a backdrop of bare skin, which may help with early detection. But gynecologists are also reporting an influx of false alarms. "Lots of women come into the office worried about a suspicious bump or rash that turns out to be an ingrown hair or irritation from shaving." - Dr. Margaret Thompson (aforementioned)

- According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, 1,030 vaginal rejuvination surgeries (which include aesthetic labia tightening) were performed by member surgeons in 2006, a 30% increase from the year before. "Nearly all my labiaplasty patients remove their pubic hair" - David Matlock, a gynecologic surgeon in LA who teaches MDs how to do the procedure and says his training courses are selling out.

- "There are sweat glands in the pubic region, and since the area is covered by hair and clothing, moisture gets locked in," says Dr. Thompson. Hair traps perspiration and traces of discharge and urine. [EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW]

- Pubic lice (crabs) may be on the decline, thanks to a dearth of down-there hair. Since the little biggers live in pubes, the more people get shorn, the fewer habitats they have. "The U.S. doesn't track pubic-lice rates, but several reports imply that the nimber of cases is falling," says Peter Lenoe, MD, associate professor of medicine at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. "The Brazilian wax trend probably impacted the drop-off."

Wow.